Right, so there I was, darling, parachuted in to bring a touch of glamour and much needed order to 'Cake'—those divine little Swedish electric bikes. Fabulous! I pictured photo shoots and launch parties.

Instead, I was handed their most divinely ambitious project... which was, of course, running terribly, TERRIBLY behind schedule. The whole place was fizzing with that chaotic scale-up energy, sweetie. Wonderful, but it meant everyone was screaming for something all at once!

It was a total whirlwind, a mad dash of... well, project-y stuff. We were all running around like chickens in a frantic search for shelter. It was a challenge, sweetie, a real challenge!

So, my first stroke of pure, unadulterated genius to tame that utter chaos was a weekly missive, my little dose of glamour and truth dropped into everyone's dreary inboxes. I called it...

The Divine Intervention: The Fabulous Friday Flash!

..and two little epiphanies from the weekly bombardment:

  • Lots of pretty pictures! Because people are simple, darling. They don't want to read. They want to see. Show them pictures of the team looking busy and brilliant (even if they were just nipping out for a fag). Show the successes, but darling, absolutely show the failures! Frame them as "a hilarious little mishap on the way to greatness!" It's all about spin, sweetie!
  • Name-drop everyone! "The divine boys from Sales helped us..." "We had a simply marvellous session with Production..." Make everyone feel like a celebrity. It's just PR, darling, it's what I do!

Of course, darling, even after that, they were still running around like headless chickens. So, to really hammer the point home, my next fabulous intervention was...

The "Catwalk of Calamity": Making Risks Look Chic

I took all those ghastly, terrifying problems and laid them out beautifully, like accessories for a new outfit. Suddenly, the boring commercial people could see the trainwreck coming. They could see where the bottlenecks were, like a bad hemline threatening to ruin the whole dress!

It allowed us all to play designer, to reshuffle the collection, to say "that risk simply doesn't go with that deadline, sweetie, it has to move!

And just like that, poof! Suddenly everyone was in the know, sweetie. They were all swept up in my little vortex of truth, and there was simply nowhere left to hide from the glamour! The whole ghastly project miraculously snapped back on track. Not because anyone did more of that dreadful work—God, no—but because I injected it with a massive dose of pure, unadulterated fabulousness. I simply shone a huge, devastatingly flattering spotlight on the entire bloody mess!

The lesson, darling? A little bit of sparkle, a few pretty pictures, and treating everyone like they're in the front row at Lacroix is all it takes. It's not technical management; it's people management. And that, sweetie, is always in style.